DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for two years. We rushed into marriage, unfortunately, before getting to know each other very well. Whenever we have a disagreement, he gives me the silent treatment for days. Sometimes, it lasts weeks.
He won’t eat anything I cook or help around the house. If I’m in one room, he will lock himself up in another one. He sleeps on the couch or on a pull-out mattress. Eventually, he will end it by returning to our bed and trying to initiate intimacy. I usually accept, but the issue never gets resolved or discussed -- we just carry on. When I’ve tried discussing the issues, he says, “Don’t start!”
I’m fed up with his childish behavior. We have a 7-month-old baby and children from my previous marriage, so it has become increasingly difficult for me to leave him.
He’s not the type to go to therapy. He will admit we have communication issues, but that’s the extent of it. I’ve reached the point that I no longer care about our marriage, and if I had the means, I’d happily leave. Please help. -- SILENT TREATMENT IN THE NORTHEAST
DEAR SILENT TREATMENT: Because your husband doesn’t want to go to therapy does not mean you shouldn’t. When you tell him that you plan to schedule some sessions, expect him to find a dozen reasons why you “don’t need it” or to go into another silent phase. Therapy for you would be illuminating and could help you decide how much longer you want to tolerate an increasingly intolerable living situation.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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