DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend is extremely jealous and territorial.

Harriette Cole 

Every time I invite her to hang out with my other friends, she gets weirdly competitive for my attention. I asked her why she acts that way, and she told me that she didn’t even notice that she was doing it.

We had that conversation months ago, and she still hasn’t changed her ways. What should I do now?

Jealous Best Friend

DEAR JEALOUS BEST FRIEND: I have a problem with the concept of “best friend.” I know some people will think that’s extreme, but my reason is that just by definition, it indicates that this one person takes precedence over all others.

Because of this, competition can ensue at different points in the relationship if other friends occupy a lot of someone’s time or attention. This is especially true when people are young and still growing into their full selves and discovering their identities.

Your best friend may be feeling that your other friends are taking on more significance than she has. It could easily be subconscious, but that doesn’t make it any less real.

You can assure your best friend of how much you love her and appreciate her friendship. You can be more inclusive of her when the larger group of people assembles. Ultimately, you may not want to include her in all of those gatherings if it becomes too emotionally taxing for you to handle.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend shames me for having higher standards than she has when it comes to dating.

There are a few traits that I refuse to negotiate on when it comes to who I date, and I do not feel that I owe anyone an explanation. I am tired of my friend making snide remarks about my preferences.

I honestly think that she’s projecting by making me feel that I am asking for too much. How do I approach this situation?

Higher Standards

DEAR HIGHER STANDARDS: Just as you have higher standards when it comes to the people you date, you can use that same rubric for how you handle friendships.

Speak up and tell your friend that you are tired of her judgments. Point out that you do not chastise her for how she decides whom to date. Ask her to back off and stay out of your business.

If she balks, go in deeper. Explain that you have thought long and hard about what is important to you in a partner, and you aren’t going to budge on those things. She can do whatever she wants, and you are doing what you want.

If she can’t stop, you can stop telling her about your dating life. You may not need to cut her off entirely, but you can avoid sharing details that she might be overly critical of.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.