4 Exceptional Hot Sauce Additions—and 2 Spicy Spirits—for Your July 4th Barbecue - Esquire.com
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I'm vaxxed, you're vaxxed (I hope), so it stands to reason: I’m hot, you're hot. This Fourth of July, let's all be hot, vaxxed, then hot again. It's me, your favorite heat-seeking masochist, back to bring peppery pain to another holiday.
Fourth of July cookouts, as they stand, are for the weak. Yellow mustard, sweet BBQ sauce, and vanilla ice cream. Yeah, it’s all well and good, but where’s the spice, that aphrodisiacal capsaicin to make you question if it’s the sunbeams or your own misdeeds that are causing your eyes to water?
Dr. Fauci himself said that if we’re vaxxed we can do “whatever” we want this Fourth, and what I want is delicious pepper (and dog-friendly fireworks), in the form of these four sauces and two spicy beverages. Because what’s the Fourth of July without a little idiotic, "land of the free" danger?
Smoked Habanero Barbeque Sauce
Marshall's Haute Saucemouth.com
$14.50
Few things in this world are more precious than barbecue sauce. I’ve tried copious amounts of barbecue in my life, and suffice it to say, the pepper nut in me is in love with this sauce's kick. One of the best hot/BBQ hybrids, it's perfect for drenching or basting slow-cooked meat, or as a table pleaser for the top of a sandwich. While I’m someone who loves enough heat to make me see the Scoville God, this sauce splits the difference between sweet and spicy. But be warned, it is more of a Kansas-style BBQ sauce—thick and sweet with the added habanero heat—so don't come yelling at me when it annoys your “definitive” barbecue sensibilities.
Scotch Bonnet Mustard
Double Take Salsa Co.amazon.com
$13.99
Mustard is a requirement for any Fourth of July cookout. But buying regular yellow mustard is boring. Where's the danger? Eating should be an extreme sport (but with heat, not like Joey Chestnut and his gang of glizzy, dog-guzzling degenerates). Pick up a bottle of Scotch Bonnet. It falls between yellow and brown mustard, but is far hotter and more complex than even the hottest “hot mustard.” The spice sneaks up on you at first due to the overwhelming nature of mustard, but after a bite or two of your brat, it is inescapable. While this isn't a hot sauce that will kill you with a drop, it is one designed to give you a slow and tasty smolder as you work through a burger or a dog. Tell gramps to douse his precious brat in some Scotch Bonnet and watch as the old man eats every word about youngsters being weak.
The Chicago Red Hot Jalapeño Sauce
Small Axe Peppersamazon.com
$6.99
As a guy from the Chicago area, there’s no competition when it comes to the Chicago dog, even if it does stray far from God's light. Hot peppers, relish, pickles, mustard, the works. This Chicago hot sauce adds a bit of peppery heat to a truly fantastic relish. Pair it with the Scotch Bonnet mustard for a pseudo-Chicago dog with a huge kick.
Blueberry Hot Sauce
Cutino Sauce Co.cutinosauce.com
$9.00
If you think a blueberry hot sauce sounds weird, then you're right: It is weird, and it hits odd, and it's confusing, but I’ll be damned if it's not delicious. You may be thinking, what the hell do I put this on? Oddly, it is one of the most versatile hot sauces I’ve tried. It’s fantastic on pulled pork, burgers (for that gastropub "jam" vibe), and fries, and in spicy cocktails, and hell, even on your vanilla ice cream for some sweet, savory, and peppery garnish. Plus, it's blue, so it's a cheeky little “Red, White, and Blue" callout, if you're that person. Cutino also offers a strawberry sauce that gets similar accolades from me.
Chipotle Blanco Tequila
Tanteoreservebar.com
$39.00
What’s better than a nice cold margarita in the beating summer sun? If you can't guess what I’m going to say at this point, you're just not trying. That's right, it's that hot, hot heat, baby, in the form of this chipotle tequila. It makes a fantastic marg, if you don't consider grilling up some pineapple too much of a hassle. With the charcoal roaring all afternoon long, it shouldn't be a problem. (You can also just use pineapple. You may miss some of that smoke, but on the Fourth of July after about 2 p.m., your body will barely be able to distinguish between water and tequila anyway.) Here's the recipe.
Ingredients
· 1 1⁄2 oz. Tanteo Chipotle (or Habenero) Tequila
· 3/4 oz. pineapple syrup
· 3/4 oz. fresh lime juice
· 3 grilled pineapple chunks
Directions
Muddle the grilled pineapple chunks with lime juice and pineapple syrup in a mixing tin. Add the Tanteo and top with ice. Shake vigorously. Strain into an old fashioned glass over fresh ice. Garnish with a pineapple slice.
Livener Alcohol-Free Spirit
Three Spiritthreespiritdrinks.com
$39.00
Let's not forget that some of us hot, vaxxed people into hot peppers prefer nonalcoholic. Three Spirit's Livener has a bit of fire to it and goes great with pepper garnishes, if you want to amp it up for a real burn. It has a good, not too sweet, very herbal and earthy taste, akin to gin, without the alcohol. It’d easily work as a replacement in the Tanteo cocktail or with some jalapeño rounds and tonic water.
Cameron SherrillCameron Sherrill is a designer and writer for Esquire.com, where he covers technology and video games.
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