DEAR MISS MANNERS: My family closely followed pandemic guidelines, and I have therefore missed many events in the last year. In the scarce family and church interactions that I have had, some people have been insensitive, saying such things as, “Look who’s come out of the house,” or “Maybe when you come out of hiding …”

These comments infuriate me because we have underlying health conditions in our home, and my priority has been to protect the health of my family.

Of course, I don’t owe these people a health history, but is there a way to defend my choices while also pointing out the rudeness of their remarks? We are now vaccinated and are beginning to attend more events.

GENTLE READER: Do you really want to come out fighting?

Admittedly, people who would taunt others for protecting their health are not just insensitive but actively mean. All the more reason not to engage with them. You would only be offering them an opportunity to brag because they escaped the consequences of their carelessness, if not those of their callousness to others.

Miss Manners would toss off something like, “I used the time to turn into a butterfly — as you can plainly see.” Then walk away. Surely we have all had enough of the acrimony that unnecessarily worsened an already tragic situation.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I babysat for many families during my high school years, and now those children have been graduating high school. I was very close to many of these children, and plan to send cards and small gifts to them.

However, in some cases, they have younger siblings I never met because I attended college in a different state. When the time comes, would it be rude if I didn’t send a card or gift to the younger siblings I don’t know, despite the past connection to their family?

GENTLE READER: You might be one of those well-meaning people who gives presents to siblings on each child’s birthday. Miss Manners regrets to tell you that this causes problems.

It negates the concept of taking turns, encouraging a sense of entitlement. And it denies each child special attention.

Yet she could equally well argue that some who did get the “special day” treatment also developed a sense of entitlement — expecting, long into adulthood, to be the center of attention on that day, and pouting when they are not satisfied with the obeisance. The worst of them give their own so-called parties that they expect others to sponsor.

So let’s call that a draw. Miss Manners was only bolstering her feeling that it is overdoing it to include children you don’t know, and who surely have had ties of their own.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When is the proper time to light the candles on the dinner table? And when should I extinguish the candles?

GENTLE READER: 1. After dark, so that people can see what they are eating. 2. When dinner is over.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.