DEAR MISS MANNERS: At my husband’s funeral, when they were presenting me with his flag, my stepdaughter tried to grab it out of my hands.

If I hadn’t let go of it and given it to her, for the simple fact that I didn’t want to disrespect my late husband, it was going to be a tug-of-war.

This was done in front of everyone there. Is it just me, or is that just wrong?

GENTLE READER: Quite obviously wrong, as you well know. And while you may not have the flag, Miss Manners is certain that you have the sympathy and gratitude of the entire congregation for not wrestling it, and your stepdaughter, to the ground during this tragic occasion.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My grandson sent high school graduation announcements to his aunts, grandparents and friends of the family. He did not receive a “congratulations” card or gift from anyone but us (his grandparents). His parents did not have a party for him, but his older sister received gifts and a party.

Is a gift contingent on a party, or on the accomplishment it celebrates?

GENTLE READER: Not only is a present generally thought to be contingent on the party, but guests who do not attend any celebration often do not have the courtesy to respond with simple congratulations.

Unfortunately for your grandson, this is compounded by the fact that graduations are not generally a present-giving occasion anyway — for anyone except immediate relatives and generous grandparents. Further confusing the issue, Miss Manners finds that humans are now conditioned to hand over a present in return for simply going to someone’s house, even if there is no occasion.

In any case, Miss Manners hopes that your grandson will be consoled by the fact that he has made his family proud. But she knows that is not likely.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: An acquaintance just sent me a message on social media to ask for my address. She wants to send me her wedding invitation with the videoconferencing link on it. Apparently I’m invited to watch the ceremony online, but not in person.

What type of response/gift is required in such a situation? We met once a week in a local group before the pandemic hit, but I have not seen her in over a year. I am 61 years old and totally out of my element here.

GENTLE READER: We all are. You may, however, treat this novelty as a live event, responding to the invitation in kind and attending, or not, as you choose. It is not an insult not to be asked to attend in person, but an adjustment to safety conditions.

If you feel that you do not know the bride well enough or have the personal wherewithal for a time-consuming computer event, then decline — no excuse or present necessary. If you attend, it would be gracious to send a modest present.

Miss Manners is amused that a paper invitation is being sent with a computer link on it. But she will not quibble with leaving some sense of decorum in these unprecedented times, even if it feels slightly off-kilter.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.