Courtship behaviors are very similar in all cultures that allow people to choose their own love partners. Unfortunately, myths about courtship behaviors have evolved over the millennia and become a permanent part of our human psyche. Modern researchers have exposed the fallacy of some of these love myths. One such felonious courtship myth will be examined.
Myth: Men initiate courtship behaviors.
Contrary to popular belief, women actually initiate courtship rituals. This supposition holds true across all cultures that allow free selection of partners. Women initiate the courtship ritual by smiling at their person of interest. In quick succession, women display an eyebrow flash and tilt their heads slightly downward and away. Some women will add a lower lip tug to the courtship sequence. If women lift their heads and reengage eye contact with their person of interest, they send the nonverbal message that it is okay for the person of interest to approach them. Men may think they are initiating the relationship, but it is really the woman who regulates the first contact.
The keys to the courtship sequence are the smile, eyebrow flash, and head tilt. When people smile, they release endorphins. Endorphins make people feel good about themselves. The Golden Rule of Friendship states that when we make people feel good about themselves, they will like us. Smiling achieves that end. The eyebrow flash is a quick up-and-down movement of the eyebrows that lasts about 1/64th of a second. An eyebrow flash is a friendship signal that lets the other person know we do not pose a threat. The head tilt exposes the carotid artery. The carotid artery is a vulnerable part of our body. By exposing it, we signal to the other person that we trust they will not harm us.
The next major step in the courtship ritual is mutual gaze. Prolonged eye contact, not staring, releases the hormone oxytocin. Oxytocin is a bonding hormone. People feel more connected when they gaze into one another’s eyes. Additionally, people who like one another will mirror the nonverbal displays of the person they are talking to. Inward leaning while talking is another indicator of rapport. People lean toward things and people they like and distance themselves from things and people they do not like. Women intensify the courtship ritual with a slight touch to the shoulder, wrist, or shoulder. Touching releases oxytocin, which intensifies the bond between the two people.
Men think they are in charge of the courtship ritual, but this is clearly not the case. Each step in the courtship dance is initiated or regulated by women. Men should know that women are the decision-makers in the courtship sequence. Knowing the sequencing in the courtship ritual allows men to monitor the relationship's progression. For example, if the woman does not look back after the initial eye contact signals, she is uninterested. If the woman does not mirror the gestures of the person she is talking to, she signals she is uninterested. She is uninterested if the woman does not lean toward the person she is talking with signals. Men who do not see favorable relationship signals should accept the woman’s decision and seek other relationships. Knowing courtship behaviors can also help men avoid inappropriate behaviors.
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March 26, 2023 at 10:42PM
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Dispelling One Myth of Courtship Behavior - Psychology Today
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