One of the hardest parts of motherhood is dealing with negative behavior. While moms understand that it is a part of child development, and when they are young, it is their child’s only way of communicating, it can be frustrating. Moms are only human, and sometimes the temper tantrums and endless screaming can become too much to take. This can lead to moms getting burnt out and not being able to be the best mom she can be. Every stage of child development also comes with their own struggles.
This means that once a child moves past one difficult stage, it isn’t long until they are in the next stage. Motherhood and parenting are always evolving and it can be hard to keep up. A newborn seems to cry all the time, a toddler throws some pretty marvelous temper tantrums, and then the preschooler enters the picture. Preschoolers come with their own milestones and behavior, and while they can be hard to manage, maybe it is because mom has been looking at it all wrong.
A Preschooler’s Development
To understand preschool behavior, we need to look at and understand where they are developmental. That plays a big part in why they act the way they do, and it is never to purposely “annoy” their mother. According to the CDC, preschoolers are entering a stage of learning and exploring. They want to learn about the world around them, and they also may want to test the boundaries of mom and dad. This means that they want to explore just what they can get away with.
They are also exploring their first taste of independence. While they cannot drive a car or stay out late yet, they are starting to see themselves as a separate entity from their parents and this can often breed behavior that mom and dad find troublesome.
Some Problem Behaviors
According to Early Childhood Education Blog, there are some staple behaviors that are typically seen in preschoolers. It is not uncommon to see a preschooler who will still engage in “violent” behaviors like biting, hitting, and screaming. They are still learning how to express their anger, sadness, and disappointment and this is easier done for them by actions instead of words. Preschoolers will still often throw temper tantrums that you thought were left behind when they stopped being a toddler. A newfound behavior may also include “potty talk,” and this could be anything from using words like “poop” to swear words.
The bad news is that preschoolers are watching their parents more than ever and some of these behaviors are learned behaviors. If a parent swears a lot at home, their preschooler is bound to pick it up and explore the language in public spaces. Preschoolers will also “act up” because they want attention, and since they typically get (negative) attention, they will keep up doing it. By being mindful of how we are talking and acting when they misbehave, we can help to mitigate some of these behaviors.
A Different Look
When it comes to handling these behaviors, we may need to completely change how we are dealing with them. According to Tenderhearted Teacher, it is easy to label a preschooler as “misbehaving” and “acting out." This mindset may need to change, and this could be enough to completely change how you view your preschooler’s behavior.
"We can’t expect young children to know how to regulate, handle big emotions, and behave appropriately at all times."
The truth is, as quoted above, parents cannot expect their preschoolers to be able to know how to regulate their emotions, developmentally, they cannot. You wouldn’t tell someone to play the piano who never has before, and then get mad at them when they fail. It is just impossible. Instead, parents need to remind themselves when their preschooler is engaging in negative behavior that they are trying to communicate something. Instead of reacting out of emotion, or telling them to “stop,” ask yourself what they could be trying to tell you. They may be able to verbally express some needs, but it may still require some detective work on your part.
When parents change their mindset, they are able to react in a more logical (and adult) way and try and solve the problem. Work with their preschooler to determine what is wrong and how it can be fixed. When mom starts thinking about her preschooler's behavior as communication instead of just “being bad” it can reframe the situation and help keep mom calm. If mom is calm then it is easier for her child to calm down and redirect the behavior.
Sources: CDC, Early Childhood Education Blog, Tenderhearted Teacher
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November 28, 2021 at 11:00PM
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A Different Approach To Difficult Preschool Behavior - Moms.com
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