Q. In my friend group of four people, I’m the only woman. Maybe it’s me overthinking because of the abundance of free time because of the quarantine, but I seem to have developed feelings for one of my guy friends. It wouldn’t have been a big deal but I am not sure if he feels the same way.
For example, if we’re all playing basketball together, after it’s over he’ll text me about the muscle soreness he noticed I have in my legs. He often pays attention to the details, and he seems 100 times sweeter with me if it’s just the two of us. Otherwise, he’ll just joke around when we’re with the guys.
He often leaves his work if he discovers I’m having lunch alone, and drives miles every day just to spend time together. I don’t know if this is genuine brotherly behavior or he actually might like me.
There is another thing: A few months ago I went on a couple of dates with someone my other friend from the group introduced me to. He was sweet and liked me a lot but I wasn’t attracted to him, so I called it off. It turns out that the guy is a good friend of my crush.
I am afraid dating my crush would make it awkward for our group because of this. But the other guys suggested I date this man before we were all as close.
My crush and I have had our fair share of “accidental moments” while playing sports together — like me tripping right into his arms. But then again, those were accidents, and I absolutely have no clue whether he thinks about me the way I do about him.
Should I ask him out? Or are there any tips you could give me to make him look at me like a woman rather than a tomboy best friend?
BEST FRIEND
A. Let the end of 2020 (and all of 2021) be a time for honesty and disclosing the things we used to be afraid to say out loud when it comes to romance.
Some of us have had more time to think. Maybe we’ve also had more time to appreciate the people in our lives who make us feel supported and connected. This crush has chosen to care about you. He notices your muscles. At the very least, he will let you down and you’ll have an answer. At most, he’ll reciprocate. Wouldn’t that be nice?
My advice is to tell him — when it’s just the two of you (or when you’re messaging) — that you’re wondering whether there’s potential for a romantic relationship. Don’t overthink it or say a zillion things to undo it as you go. You don’t even have to disclose your feelings at the start. Just ask him if he’s thought about it. Then you can say more.
If he has an answer and it’s no, you can decide how you’d like to proceed. Maybe it means less alone time with him for a bit, just to get over it. But we’re not there yet. We’re at the beginning, where all it takes to get things moving is a deep breath and some courage.
MEREDITH
READERS RESPOND:
“My crush and I have had our fair share of ‘accidental moments’ while playing sports together — like me tripping right into his arms.” You sound like a terrible athlete.
PMCD101
If he’s driving “miles every day” just to hang out, then he’s interested in you as more than a friend.
HARRISBSTONE
Every day? You’re missing all the signs. My brothers might hang out with me once in a while, but not every day.
LUCILLEVANPELT
This isn’t a “group.” This is four people, and two of you are crushing on each other. if you and your crush actually hook up and fail to succeed at dating, you can find another trio and start all over again.
HARRISBSTONE
The answer to the question you never ask will always be “no.”
CHIMPITATUS
Send your own dating and relationship questions to loveletters@globe.com. Catch new episodes of Meredith Goldstein’s “Love Letters” podcast at loveletters.show or wherever you listen to podcasts. Column and comments are edited and reprinted from boston.com/loveletters.
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December 01, 2020 at 02:34AM
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