Dear Harriette: I have had a lot of time to think about my life while I’ve been stuck at home. Recently, I have been having nightmares. Some of the things I did in my youth were just awful. As I have flashes of scenes when I was rude or downright mean to people, I shudder to think that was me. But it was. I think I was just trying to figure out relationships or how to get ahead in my work. Whatever it was, I am ashamed of myself for not being more thoughtful to the people around me. I feel like I should contact people and apologize for how I treated them, but I’m worried that this could cause them to have to relive these painful moments again. Or maybe it wasn’t so bad for them? I’m not sure what to do, but right now I feel overwhelmed with disgust over my behavior. — Disgusted
Dear Disgusted: It is good to take stock of your life and to address hurtful behaviors from your past. Before you reach out to people you have hurt, though, play the scenario all the way out. What benefit will your outreach have for them? And how best might they receive your amends? Some situations should remain buried.
In other cases, you might send a card saying you were thinking about the person and hope they are doing well as you also apologize for hurting them in the past. In certain instances, it may be right to call and talk to a person directly. If so, don’t dredge up the past. Just say that you are sorry for what you did that caused them pain.
Know that the first step is forgiving yourself for your hurtful behavior. From that posture of humility, you can make the effort to make amends. Know that you cannot control how people will respond.
Dear Harriette: Now that we are not going out at all, I am realizing that I have way too many clothes. I do love fashion, but since I have nowhere to go, I have been taking a visual inventory of my wardrobe, and it’s ridiculously large. I want to purge. There’s absolutely no reason anybody should have all of this stuff. Part of me just wants to dump it. The practical side says I should hold on to essentials because when the world does open up, I will need some basic things. I don’t want to give away too much and have to end up making new purchases. How can I figure out what to discard? — Let It Go
Dear Let It Go: A tried-and-true recommendation for figuring out what clothing to keep and what to discard is to first try it on. If it doesn’t fit, let it go. Don’t trick yourself into waiting until you lose weight to wear it again. Second, if you haven’t worn the item in over a year, it no longer serves you. If you want to follow the wisdom of master organizer Marie Kondo, you can thank your clothing for serving you well as you fold it and put it in a container to donate. Expressing gratitude for the garment’s service in your life may help you to release it for someone else to enjoy.
I strongly suggest that you give yourself a timeline to complete this task. If you tackle a little every day, you will make progress.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com.
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Sense and Sensitivity: Reader regrets past behavior - Eureka Times-Standard
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